ARE YOU AN EMOTIONAL PERSON?

emotion[ɪˈməʊʃ(ə)n]NOUNemotions (plural noun)a strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.”she was attempting to control her emotions” · [More]synonyms:feeling · sentiment · sensation · reaction · response · passion · intensity · warmth · ardour · fervour · vehemence · fire · fieriness · excitement · spirit · soul

Another definition “Emotion” as “an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate or the like is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.”

Whether we are happy, angry sad or disgusted, these are just some of the emotions we feel and are natural. So nothing surprising here. However, emotions are described as ‘intensified feelings’ which have the potential to become so strong and overpowering that it masters the mind or judgement.

It is because of the strength of these emotions, which have caused individuals to act, sometimes causing life changing consequences, why raesolutions was established.

Working within the Criminal Justice System for several decades, I have seen how young people living in urban areas have succumbed to actions that have led to custodial sentences, often life sentences. Raesolutions, recognises that many of their actions, have been due to a lack of (EI) emotional intelligence. This is the ability to perceive, control and evaluation emotions.

Some Psychologist believe (EI) can be learned and strengthen, while others believe it is an inborn characteristic. But it is not just a lack of (EI) that causes young people to commit crime and end up in prison. There’s the environment they live, pro-criminal peers, schools that would rather exclude than educate. Moreover, when they are in school many cannot relate to what is being taught! Which was one of the reasons that Birmingham City Striker, Troy Deeney has petition the Government to have BAME history taught in UK schools.

Other factors is their home life, inconsistent parenting, lack of boundaries. As well as, do what I say and not what I do type of parenting, don’t let me start…

Many adults too, have not come to grips with emotional intelligence, to correctly read the signs. For example, mis-interpreting body language and facial expressions. How many times have you remembered a bad experience you had earlier in the day, entered a room and you are misread. Someone on seeing your face immediately thinks, that they are the cause of your displeasure! Also many men have misread signs and got themselves into trouble too and also a few women; haha yeah right!

You know, growing up there was always this one child who was always the crier. The child who would always be the first to get angry. Or start the name calling and even hit out first! Or was that just me growing up in South London where the children there, were just different? Surely not. Anyway those children grew up, they have become adults and some of them still have those ways, why? Because many of their emotional needs were never met.

Perhaps their parents were just too busy or just didn’t have the time for such a ‘different’ child. Be honest those children take up time and should be given it, to provide them with the best opportunities in the future. As some experts believe that being ‘up’ on your emotions is necessary for good interpersonal communication, which they say, is more important in determining life success than IQ alone.

So what can you do to improve your lot? Well whether you are an adult or a child here are (3) things you can do to improve your emotional intelligence. You will have to be patient with yourself and practise until you get better at it and do not rush the process:

(1) LISTEN

– It might sound obvious but some of us like to talk, we get excited and love to have all eyes and ears on us. This often means we do not make the time to LISTEN, whether to our children or our partner. If you want to understand what other people are feeling, the first step is to pay attention. Take the time to listen to what people are trying to tell you, both verbally and non-verbally. I will go into non-verbally (body language) at a later date so keep following my blog to keep up! While you are listening to the person think about the issues that might be adding to that emotion.

(2) EMPATHISE

– Remember that Biblical quote ” Do to others as you would have them do to you” Matthew 7:12. What! surprise I know my Bible! Anyway that quote gives insight into how you feel when something wrong is said or done to you. This provides an opportunity, to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand their point of view. Try practising this, even if you don’t understand that person’s view at the time. At least give yourself a moment to consider it. This can help to build an emotional understanding of a specific situation. As well as develop stronger emotional skills in the long-term.

(3) REFLECT

– Most of us only make take to reflect on our actions when we are sitting in a prison cell, then we have plenty of time to reflect. Not you, because you’ve never been to prison. Ok how about your reflection started when you had to book into a hotel or ask a friend can you sofa-surf because your partner had enough of your behaviour. Or your parent(s) put you out.

The ability to reason with emotions. Yes reason with the anger, reason with the sadness and the like, as this is an important part of emotional intelligence. Look at how your emotions influence your decision to buy or borrow off your ‘fam’ a hunters knife. Remember you live in a town and even run from the foxes in the street. Or the emotion that influence you to want to pay back your ex by sleeping with his/her friend! The emotion that led you to say something so nasty, mean and unacceptable that you hurt someone so dear to you. Or just hurt someone that didn’t deserve it.

Reflection should allow you to dig up unseen factors that have contributed to these feelings. They are unseen because many of these factors are buried deep. We haven’t thought about them for years, because they have been parked up in our subconscious mind. Sometimes these are painful experiences or real sad ones. Reflection allows you to explore questions on your behaviour in order for you to accept your actions, understand them. Not to beat yourself up and become depressed and self-destructive- NO! Reflection is for you to understand yourself better and become a better YOU.

It takes time and honesty – let me know how you get on. KEEP MOVING FORWARD And take the best care of yourself. Until Next Time. Love Akilah