RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships discussed here are not just intimate ones, but any relationship where you spend time with someone. This could be your partner or your colleagues at work. All relationships need respect, often patience and kindness; therefore, what we say in times of high emotions, matter.

Here are 10 ways to help diffuse an argument – if we take a few from these and practise them it should help.

DISAGREE WITH KINDNESS IN RELATIONSHIP

1.“I appreciate your perspective.”

This is another way to let the other person know that you’ve heard and understand their perspective or point of view.

2. “We may not agree, and that’s okay.”

This phrase helps to avoid a ‘locked into conflict’ when each tries to convince the other that their view point is the correct one. Yes we’ve all been there! A simple phrase like this one, shows respect for the other’s perspective.

3.“I can see you have insight into this, but now it is not a good time to have this discussion.”

Sometimes stepping away from an argument is beneficial, to gain some perspective and peace on what you are actually arguing about.

4.“We are allowed to have different opinions/views. We don’t need to argue about it.”

A disarming phrase like this one, should aim to calm things down and de-escalate the situation.

These words bring down the tension between the parties. It also acknowledges that a resolution isn’t always required.

5.“I hear you.”

Basically, people just want to feel like they’re being heard, whether its in an argument or not. By saying “I hear you, “you can justify one’s opinion and calm them down before the argument gets worse.

6.“I see your point, and yet I still feel…”

You might say during an argument, “I see your point, but…” However, many people feel that the word “but” cancels out the first part of the sentence. Especially when emotions are high. So replacing “but” with “and yet” is a way to help the other person feel endorsed, without minimising their perspective.

7.“I think we both need a break to cool down.”

Sometimes, you need to request a cool-down break during an argument. Our brains can go into stress response, known as ‘amygdala hijack.’ This involves the actions of fight, flight, freeze and people-pleasing. These stress responses shut down our thinking brain, or the prefrontal cortex.

This should give you both a moment to breathe, and reflect on what has been said.

8.“It seems like we’ve been focusing on the problem. Let’s focus on finding a solution instead.”

It’s possible that the argument needs to shift its course a bit. Therefore, focusing too much on the problem can lead to blame, and that usually doesn’t lead to anything constructive.

9.I value what you have to say, but arguing isn’t effective communication.”

While this phrase still shows respect, it can also remind both of you that lowered voices are a better way to communicate. Most of us don’t realise how loud we are in an argument until the neighbours start banging on the walls, or the next day start looking at us ‘sideways.’ Worst, is if the Police are called!

10.“I value our relationship more than being right.”

Do you still love or care for the other person? If the answer is yes, then utter this
caring phrase.

It will remind the other individual of the importance of the relationship, instead of
solely focusing on the problem at hand.

Take care of your relationship and grow it with respect, kindness and love.