IT’S JUST EMOTIONS
Many people accept this is my emotions, this is me, you have to deal with it. It’s as if responses to emotions are set in stone, and cannot be changed. If your response to your emotions are not getting you into trouble, whether with the law or in your relationship then fine. I’m talking about the lack of control of one’s emotions that causes issues and the individual knows they need to regulate. Let me help you.
YOUR PARENTING
Parents or a parent that reasons, sits you down and point out where you went wrong, rather than shout abuse, is a good example. Good because they are the example of managing emotions. They might be mad with you because of what you have done, but are able to keep control.
1.Model the Behaviour
If your parenting was opposite to the above, doesn’t mean that you can’t change your behaviour. If you want it to change, with hard work and perseverance it can, but you’ve got to model it.
It is a change of mindset here. You have to remind yourself why you need to change, and that it will be worth it. It is possible and you can do it. Talk yourself into the change, see you changed.
2.Delay your response time
As a child when someone throws something abusive at you, the smart mouth thing is to throw something back as quick as possible. As an adult things are suppose to change. This is not the best response particularly in a relationship, whether intimate or with a work colleague, or other.
The delay gives the ‘fight or flight’ response an opportunity to calm down. Your response will be less ‘coarse’ or aggressive. The breath taken in the delay will provide more oxygen to your heart to help calm it, so that your brain is focused and thought aware. Your response should be better than a cuss word (smile).
3.If you feel it name it
There is nothing wrong with saying what you feel when you feel it. But you need to know what you are feeling and be ready to say. For instance, “I am feeling really sad right now because of something that happened earlier. Can we discuss this later”? In response to something someone has said or done, you can say “I can feel myself getting angry, I need to leave the room.”
If people were honest about their emotions or confident to state them, unnecessary situations could be avoided.
4.All actions have consequences
As a parent I have tried to teach this to all my children, mainly because this wasn’t consistently taught to me. In many African-Caribbean households parents expect if they’ve told you once or twice not to do it, you should know. Unfortunately, many households do not realise that young brains are still developing well into their 20s, so forgetfulness sets in well.
But its worth reminding yourself as an adult that if I do this…the consequences are… do not block out the consequences, do not weed smoke out the consequences. Do not sex out the consequences. Because when you finish ‘ramping’ the consequences will still be there looking you in the face.
5.Know your triggers
Some people know if they are hungry they get moany. If that behaviour causes people to want to lose you on a day out shopping, then eat something, carry a snack. If after a couple glasses of wine or pints you get insensitive or argumentative, then have ‘no drink days‘. Especially if you are out with your nearest and dearest. If weed smoking or a line of coke makes you a ‘dare devil’ whenever you go out. Don’t do it whenever you plan to go out. (P.S. it is illegal) Better still just wean yourself off because there is more pain than gain!
Lastly, some of our emotions rear their head time after time without any of the vices mentioned above, especially anger. This may be caused by a deeper rooted issue. You need to look to see what are your triggers. If you need help with this, enlist my services for Anger Management.
Leave a Comment, I’d like to hear from you.
Take Care,
Akilah